


River of Deceit

by anna_chronistic



Series: Autopsy [2]
Category: Les Misérables (2012), Les Misérables - All Media Types, Les Misérables - Schönberg/Boublil, Les Misérables - Victor Hugo
Genre: Anachronistic Language, Autopsies, Canon Era, Gen, I'm sorry I don't know how they talked in the 19th century, M/M, Mild Comic Relief, Not A Fix-It, Post-Seine, Suicide, the coroners are idiots, this is supposed to be sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-27
Updated: 2017-06-27
Packaged: 2018-11-17 10:36:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11273718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anna_chronistic/pseuds/anna_chronistic
Summary: A coroner and a medical examiner try to identify a body that was found in the Seine river.  This time, it's Dr. Fréchet that knows the victim.





	River of Deceit

**Author's Note:**

> The title comes from the song _River of Deceit_ by Mad season.

_My pain is self chosen_  
_At least I believe it to be_  
_I could either drown_  
_Or pull off my skin and swim to shore_  
_Now I can grow a beautiful shell for all to see_

_The river of deceit pulls down, oh oh_  
_The only direction we flow is down_  
_Down, oh down_  
_Down, oh down_  
_Down, oh down_  
_Down, oh down_

__________________________________________________________________________________________________

~~~~~~~~June 7, 1832 1:00 p.m.~~~~~~~~

At the morgue, the newest arrival is a body that was pulled from the Seine river. The coroner, Dr. Fréchet, and the medical examiner, Dr. Gâteaux, prepare for the autopsy. The corpse was that of a man; he was wearing a trench coat and boots. The dead man also had long hair and sideburns, and showed clear signs of asphyxia.

After a quick external examination, Dr. Gâteaux came to a conclusion. "The cause of death is drowning. No foul play is suspected. Wow, identifying the cause of death was relatively easy for this one."

"Speaking of foul play, there's this police inspector that I work with occasionally. I think his name's Javert," says Fréchet. "Every time he's called to a scene with a dead body, he assumes it's a murder and asks me to provide evidence for prosecution. And I'm like 'no, not everything is a murder, sometimes there are accidents and suicides'. Man, he's just so eager to arrest people"

"I'm glad I'm a medical examiner so that I don't have to deal with that law enforcement rubbish. Monsieur Javert doesn't sound like someone that's fun to be around," Gâteaux joked.

The coroner and medical examiner move onto the next thing in the autopsy report. "The manner of death cannot be determined at this time," said Fréchet. "It looks like it could be an accident or suicide. I'm not sure which one, though."

Next, the doctors were to figure out the time of death. They examined the body for clues. The corpse was in a straight supine position, except the arms and hands were slightly contorted. They were unable to remove any clothing because the man's arms and legs were locked in place. "As of now, the body is in full rigor mortis. We could even stand him up if we wanted to. This indicates that he has been dead for approximately 12 hours," Gâteaux said. "That puts the time of death at around 1:00 a.m. on June 7," Fréchet added that to the report.

"What an odd time to be up," Gâteaux remarked. "Yeah, that's pretty uncommon. Once, I was called to remove a homicide victim from the streets of Paris at 2 in the morning. And the only person I saw walking the streets at that time was inspector Javert. He's rather stoic and creepy; he's over 6 feet tall and stares at people menacingly," Fréchet explained. "Remind me to never become a police officer," Gâteaux said

Now came the most difficult part: identifying the body. The coroner and the medical examiner went through the standard procedures.

_sex: male_  
_age: early 50's_  
_height: 6'2"_  
_weight: 165 lbs_  
_hair: brown_  
_eyes: blue_

The doctors weren't getting anywhere with this information, though. "Damn, this looks like another John Doe"

"Wait," says Fréchet. "The height of this body is quite an anomaly. The average height of a French person in 1832 is 5 feet 5. No one is 6 feet 2. And if someone was, we'd notice right away."

"Do you know anyone that's over 6 feet?" asked Gâteaux. "Not that I can remember," said Fréchet. "Want to feel even more stupid? We didn't even bother to check for an ID! That's the easiest way to identify someone, and we missed it."

"We're idiots. We should fire ourselves," said Gâteaux.

Fréchet takes a badge from the pocket of the man's trench coat and reads it: "René Javert, inspector of the first class, age 52."

"It's Javert!" Fréchet says, shocked. "How did I not recognize him?"

"Well, this is awkward," Gâteaux said. "Here we are talking about him behind his back. Well, not really, because he's right in front of us, but you know what I mean. It's pretty strange when the person you're gossiping about is on the autopsy table."

"Sorry, Javert," said Fréchet. "I guess I didn't recognize him initially because strangely enough, he looks less creepy dead than alive."

"He's already dead. You don't have to insult him anymore," Gâteaux said sarcastically.

~~~~~~~~1 hour later~~~~~~~~

While Dr. Gâteaux was taking Javert to get cremated, Dr. Fréchet stayed at the morgue. In the report, he changed the manner of death from "undetermined" to "suicide". This was because he knew that Javert wasn't a reckless idiot that fell into a river, but rather a troubled soul that couldn't find a way to go on.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Meanwhile, Jean Valjean never knew that Javert committed suicide. He assumed that Javert finally learned to be merciful, and that was the reason he didn't show up at 55 Rue Plumet to arrest him. Valjean was glad about this and moved on with his life. And with no friends or family to know about his death, Javert was forgotten.

**Author's Note:**

> Again, I'm sorry for the historical inaccuracies.
> 
>  
> 
> [Song reference: River of Deceit by Mad Season](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Swxw2t-9ir4)


End file.
